How Would You Rate Your Lodging Experience?
The Baymont Inn is a decent motel. The box of tissues
in my room was empty, the internet connection was so slow
as to be useless, but in my opinion these are minor issues.
I let the soft rain of the modern showerhead caress my body.
I watched a woman on the floor below slide up and down
a tennis ball bulged beneath her spine. I dreamed at checkout
I was charged $449 for pay-per-view porn, an outrage, but
how could I react, the guy behind me in line kept pushing into me,
and not so subtly. I grew skeptical of the Wild Dunes
when I saw the only people of color besides me at the hotel
hanging outside my window, reconstructing the facade.
High marks, though, to the complimentary breakfast buffet
at the “jazz” restaurant. Piles of pineapple. Sliced grapefruit.
Is there anything better than sliced grapefruit? I mean,
you don’t have to insert your spoon properly or anything.
The bags of coffee beans for sale in the coffee shop
that said TAKE ME HOME AND GRIND ME were a nice touch.
The region is known for its seafood. I tried the lobster bisque.
Is there anything more disappointing than lackluster lobster
bisque? I sampled the popcorn shrimp. I ate at the bar
of the restaurant moonlighting as a boat, shuffling a paper
to look less alone. Did you know Rem Koolhaas
likes to “find optimism in the inevitable”? I thought I might
have food poisoning, so I boxed my shrimp and went back
to my room to throw up in private. Then I didn’t throw up.
Soon enough I was eating the popcorn shrimp in bed,
watching Deep Impact on TNT for probably the thirtieth time.
The movie fails to find optimism in the inevitable,
as Americans and Russians band together to stop a comet
and nuke it in half, creating a two-part apocalypse instead of one.
Or does it succeed? I can’t remember what my old telephone
used to sound like. Now I respond to the horniest vibrations.
I dreamed I was picking her up in a dark football stadium
parking lot. It was raining. She was wearing a cheerleading outfit
and none too happy. The proximity of the Holiday Inn Express
to Cookout Burgers was noteworthy, as I was able to make
the short drive across the street in the rain for dinner.
Great ambience, as I watched one couple run through the rain
only to realize that Cookout was drive-thru only. They
pranced through the drive-thru, soaking, drippily in love.
I took solace in being able to order a corndog for a side.
The Mirage was wonderful, during my stay the US Death toll in Iraq
climbed to 4,000. Over 80,000 Iraqis had lost their lives.
Vague dreams of “hitting bone” during intercourse. Of course
I woke up and realized my cock was pushing against the mattress.
The only thing I didn’t like about The Mirage was my room
was located on the side where the volcano erupts every thirty minutes.
I would be asleep, when all of a sudden the room would start
to glow red. I was not on the bottom floor, I was at the very top
and still that occurred. I can only imagine being at the bottom,
waking to so much fire every half hour. The blinds were closed,
there was nothing I could do. Other than that, it was great.
