You could try reading this poem to some of the suspects you arrest. I think it would express a certain humaneness on your part and thus may show your suspect that a sense of humanity may be a strange idea, but that it’s also very important. If you’re reading this to a suspect now, I would like to directly address him or her: Dude, really take in the oddness of this situation–that a cop is reading you a poem! Not only is a cop reading you a poem, but it’s about you. I wrote this for you, arrestee! This is an opportunity, man. Take it!

Once there was this poem that began with a long title and a rather obvious beginning sentence. It was a good poem, a kind poem, a poem that always thought of others. At one moment, there was a knock on the door of the poem. When the poem answered the door it found an animal that was exceedingly common in nearly every area of the world, except in the area that the poem lived. The poem, surprised by the sight of this animal, dropped the glass it was holding, severing its toes. The animal leapt on the bleeding stumps, sucking the blood of the poem, getting fatter and fatter. When the poem ended, things were different somehow. The poem had a rainbow over it and was holding a bunny and watching a baby smile for the first time.

You are as beautiful as this poem, but shorter.